So you swiped right. They swiped right. Now what. You're staring at a blank text box, and your brain just went on vacation. That first message is everything. It's an imaginary handshake that decides if you get a reply or get left on read for eternity. Messing this up means you’re back to square one. So let's talk about how to send a message that actually gets a response and doesn't make you look like a total amateur.
Before you even think about typing "hey," take a deep breath and actually look at their profile. Yeah, the whole thing. It takes like, two minutes, and it'll save you from looking like a moron.
Actually Read Their Profile
Is this a revolutionary idea? No. But you'd be surprised how many people dont do it. They have pictures, a bio, some prompts... it’s all intel. Use it. It shows you have an attention span longer than a goldfish and might actually be interested in them as a person. Crazy, right...
Find Something to Talk About
Look for the hooks. A picture of them in Ibiza? A mention of a weird hobby? A sarcastic comment about pineapple on pizza? Latch onto that. It's your ticket in. You need to figure out what they're about. Is their vibe all about hitting exclusive parties and getting invites to a private sauna session, or are they more low-key. Maybe their profile is basically just a sign that says “looking for hookups near me”. Whatever it is, knowing their angle helps you play yours.
Okay, you've done the prep work. Time to make your move. This is where you either spark some interest or crash and burn. No pressure...
Make It About Them
Stop sending "hey". Just stop. It's lazy, it's boring, and it gets deleted on sight. Mention something you saw in their profile. "That waterfall in your third pic looks insane, where is that?" is a million times better. It shows you paid attention.
Show Some Personality
Your profile shouldn't be a political rant or a sob story... people make so many basic online dating profile no-nos it’s painful to watch. Nobody cares about your hot take on last night's news. A bit of humor or wit is good. Make a light joke about something in their bio. Show you're not a robot. Just be careful not to overdo it... a lot of social media dating mistakes happen when people try way too hard to be edgy.
It's shockingly easy to come off as weird or desperate. Here's a quick guide on what to avoid so you dont end up as a cautionary tale for their friends.
Ditch the Lazy Greetings
I'm saying it again because it's that important. "Hi", "what's up", and "hello beautiful" are trash. You will be ignored. These are the kind of openers that lead to the most bizarre and creepy dating app messages you can imagine. Don't be that person whose chat gets screenshotted because you opened with something truly unhinged... there are whole galleries of weird online messages out there for a reason.
Don't Be Pushy
Don't demand their number in the first message. Don't call them "baby" or act like you're already a thing. It's weird and it shows a total lack of social awareness. Play it cool. There's a time and place to suggest hitting a nightclub, and it's not in the opening line.
No Drama, Please
Don't complain about your ex. Don't talk about your money problems. Don't bring up heavy topics. The first chat should be light and easy. Keep your baggage to yourself until you've at least met in person.
So... What's the Point?
Look, there's no magic copy-paste message that works every time. The point is to be a normal human being. Read their profile, ask a decent question, and dont be a creep. It really is that simple. The goal isn't just to get a date, it's to find someone you actually want to spend time with. So put in a tiny bit of effort... it'll put you ahead of most of the competition. Good luck out there.